Saadhay 14 August

 As they say History is one man's version. Today I experienced Pakistan's history from Anwar Maqsood Sahab's perspective.. A perspective based on How he views historical facts and internalize them. How he softens the blow with witty Humor, how he questions history, how he touches the taboo with Satire, how he chooses to show himself to you. From each dialogue so carefully selected and in the flow.. An amazing piece directed by the brilliant director Dawar Mehmood with changing sequences, use of props, creating intensity with those loud noises, pulling off a Bollywood piece in Pakistan, making political satire so gullable that the audience laughed and clapped... What joyful way of telling your truth.. 

Never have I ever experienced theater in Pakistan with artists so brave that they go beyond that wooden stage leaving their comfort zone, with props and extreme movements just to create that impact amidst audience but it just felt right. Felt like it came straight from the heart.. 

Talent manifested through these brilliant actors, most of them stayed true to their character, out of many things to love, one is attention to detail in their gestures and movements. How the characters changed accent from a kisan to a paka lahori and then changing it to a bangali.. Just the right tone set by Mr. Winston Churchill (bata do apna naam, mujhy nhi pata) at the start It takes effort, it takes commitment and it takes patience to expose your self through theater in such a manner... A very brave and couragious attempt, just enough to nudge and create the right sort of distortion.. Well calming it down with brilliant modern day references... It had a little bit of something for everyone.. Be it culture, history, drama, satire, humor, exposure and many things, it's there, it depends on what you allow it to show you as an audience, as a community and as a collective conscious of this Society! 

Perfume

And she would try and put on every other perfume and body spray she had with her. She would take the latest issey miyake perfume her friend gave her, and would sprinkle it on herself, especially her scarf because after every two minutes she would just sniff on it. It was getting unbearable, she was getting irritated. It wouldn't let her rest, she would scratch her nostrils every now and then. Uncountable breaths she took so she could really feel the fresh air around her, but it all failed. As much as she tried she got it even stronger. Uurrgghhhh

Came stronger than ever, well that’s what she always thought, it always came stronger, stronger than before. It always made her numb. She would be performing her daily routine, but in fact would all time be living in that fragrance. If she could she would just pull it out of her nose. Sometimes she would think “What would I do if it continues for days” because it has been with her for days sometimes weeks. She could not get rid of this fragrance. Sometimes she thought, it was in her head, and she would go online and read about it. It was in her head, it was making her crazy, it always makes crazy all she wanted was just for a minute to breath without it.

This fragrance would take her back in time, twelve years back. Exactly like it use to be like this many years back. She resting her head on his chest. The chest she use to call her own. The chest she once claimed was her’s and her’s only. The cold shinny soft chest.. She would just sniff it.. sniff it and sniff it and would sniff it again .. she wanted it, wanted it to stay with her forever .. she would sniff his arms. His arms pits. She would look into his eyes and would tell him, “I just love your aroma and I want it to stay with me forever, I just love it “

She Loved him 

Oski uljhano mai bhi ik adda thi

oski uljhano mai bhi ik adda thi
oski her uljhan oski zulfoun ki tarhan, ik ghata thi

woh dewarain tor dyti thi, oun sy takra ker
osme himmat thi, aur yahi oski saza thi

uraan ounchi thi oski, bey laag
musibat hi toh thi woh, nehayat bey baak

tora, phir tora, aur phir sy tora
khud ko samaytnay k liye
osne apne ko phir khud sy tora

toot k bikharnay ka jash manaya
jisko woh zalim bardasht na ker paya

She is the Art ..

Art is messy, artists even messier .. 

For the one who thinks, for the one who feels, for the one who observes, and for the one who love, mess is everything. Mess is where it all begins, mess is where you learn to pick up the pieces, mess is where the tears are, mess is where the fears are .. 

In those tears you learn to love, in these tears you learn to grow, in these tears you learn to let go.. 

For as clueless as you always have been, clues are not what you look for, you look for the words. Lots and lots of words, for the words repeated again and again can bring back the trust which was once lost because of the actions. Words will break the walls, walls so high you can't see past them. Walls so fragile you cant even touch them, walls so strong you cant even knock them... 

You are beginning again.. you are building again the stairs. Stairs so you can climb the walls, step on them, watch the view from the high .. view is very different from the top. The good part is she is not scared of the heights, she has jumped already from a mountain.. she will stand tall on the wall to enjoy the light fountain ,,

Feet on the ground, heart in the air, dreams in the sky, tears in the eyes, she has begun to live the life.. 

For what it's worth.. She is the Art .. 

No interest

What may seem like a serious business to one, may not hold any importance to the other at all. The whole idea of our being is being related to our self. I am here in a training, I have 34 trainees, and I have made them realize that they work they are going to do is going to bring in wonders in their lives. I have infused in them the corporate knowledge, the business need for doing something which is beyond their personalities but yet it is going to benefit them. I find all my trainees very innocent, and eager. The calls they are going to take are going to be an addition to the overall benefit of the company. I can see so many of these trainees here have absolutely no interest in this job, they are here, just because they have some responsibilities, or some expectations to meet. 

No interest

What may seem like a serious business to one, may not hold any importance to the other at all. The whole idea of our being is being related to our self. I am here in a training, I have 34 trainees, and I have made them realize that they work they are going to do is going to bring in wonders in their lives. I have infused in them the corporate knowledge, the business need for doing something which is beyond their personalities but yet it is going to benefit them. I find all my trainees very innocent, and eager. The calls they are going to take are going to be an addition to the overall benefit of the company. I can see so many of these trainees here have absolutely no interest in this job, they are here, just because they have some responsibilities, or some expectations to meet. 

Bloated Happy & Content Apple

She was about 5 feet and 4 inches tall, with a body shaped as a pear. Sometimes she thought she was becoming an apple, bulging out from all side. With this height of her's even the slightest weight would look as if she had put on a lot of pounds, but these were all self defying thoughts. She had actually put on a lot of weight. Sometimes she would recall her perfect figure a few years back, before she got married. Back then she would go on frequent diets, stopping herself from consuming any fried, carbs laden food, or fizzy drinks, try different  now she doesn't know when to stop eating or even care about what she's eating. After her marriage she even tried to maintain her perfect body, try to watch what she was eating. Trying to go on frequent diets off and on, but not as strict and not as off and on as she used to. Her face was now pale, without any makeup she would look a lot older than her age. Dark spots on her forehead, and chin, she didn't know from where they appeared, and became a part of her face, she would try to use some home remedies to get rid of them, but that too so seldom. That was just to remind herself that she still cared for self, her beauty, her image. Her hair so dry, lean, full of split ends, she didn't have anytime left now to apply egg, oil and yogurt mixture, which was a must a few years back. Her feet dry, hands dry, chipped nails, legs tired. Her clothes so loose that they could be used as curtains. Once the stylish chick she was, now turned into a practical, smart, witty, house wife with two children, two boys, whom she loved and adored. Most of her time was spent cooking, cleaning, taking care of her kids, her husband, every now and then she would help her mother in law in get out of her insane mental patches just by supporting her and listening to her. She would occasionally get online to check What was happening in the outside world, by connecting with friends and family through facebook. Running errands from Morning till night, she had accepted it all, she never complained that she didn't have enough, not regretting even a single moment of her life. 
            Despite of all the troubles she had in her life, there was one thing she always had on her self, which was better than any makeup any cosmetic product and any piece of cloth, It was her attitude. Her smile, she had it on her like a sparkling gem, better than a glittery piece of jewelry. The attitude with subdued calmness and understanding. Confident as ever that every thing was under control. When she was around, everything would be taken care. and She had the power the nerve to create everything from nothing, just by putting her heart and mind into it. Such was her aura, it was there before she got married, and it continued to be polished after that. It got better and better with time.. 

Zaroori Sajday

tu parh apniyan namazan.. mai keraan apne sajday..
rab koi sada wakhra na.. hisab tay saday wakhray..

A Bunch of Girls ..

We connect with people, with materialistic things, with animals, with our surroundings, where ever we go, we have the strong need of belonging to someone or something. As i have connected with my work colleagues and from colleagues to friends. Using the Mediums of Whatsapp, facebook and office Lync we communicate, we share, we praise each other, like each other. At times we disagree, and might even argue about different things. 

The thought of writing this blog came into my mind, when we were coming upstairs after having lunch in the office from cafe. Every one with their story, with their realities, with their sorrows, worries, dreams. And yet they are all living with it, all smiling, laughing. They all get up in the morning, get dressed, come to work and then we all connect. Connect through our souls, the souls which are pretty, which are pure, beautiful and above all strong. And i am proud to hangout and share myself with people who are proud of them selves, and who are going on with what life has given them, and yet they spread beauty and smile all along. We the bunch of girls .. are Living ! and we celebrate it each day with each other…

Luminosity
Performance Art

Inefficient teachers

is Sad and thinks that a business school could not devise a good strategy to teach students, Research Methodology. What pisses me off is the Inefficiency and the inability of instructors to prepare a strategy and style of a class. How can a Business school teacher, expect to get away with future and investment of so many students.

Choosing a Research Project

Difficulty in choosing, collect the problem

we are unable to see the problem

how to see the problem

what affects our ability to see the problem.

who should we talk to in order to find a problem

at times when you are in to the thing, it is hard for you to see the problem

when you are a part of the team, you don't really see that, there is a problem with that team, since you tend to accept it, as it is

First Day After a Month

Yesterday was my first day at office after a full month of sick leaves after my Knee surgery. I scheduled a training 5 days earlier, so that at the first day i will have something to do. Office started at 8 am (Ramzan Time) and Training started at 9Am. I prepared myself and did the housekeeping for an hour, and took a fresh start at 9. I had only 3 participants, it was fun, learning. Basically the training was for future trainers, it was the theory of Making a Training Module. I allowed the participants to train me, instead of me training them. This provided an on the hands application of the theory that they had already studied.

finished the training at 1 Pm, and returned to my desk. Had to schedule a few sessions, and attendance uploading. I felt great about the day, though i thought that i might feel odd after a month, but i actually enjoyed it. I hope this feeling continues.

I need to make a commitment to myself that i Shall Stay focused only on my work, and not let others distract me. Put my heart into it, and fly.

Today its the 2nd day. Its a Friday, Half day. Going great so far. Got a good research idea. lets see which topic i end up doing my research on.

30 Day Challenge

I am thinking about giving myself a 30 day Photography Challenge. I think i should start with a Still Life Object Challenge first. Let's See how it goes. I will Post all the pics on my FB.

Humara Bajaj

So Finally i am Done with the Bajaj Auto Limited Case Study, It wasn't that long, i guess i was procrastinating. I'm quiet impressed i was actually able to pull through a quiet decent analysis. I ripped it off right. I was able to do that, because i read the case about 5 times. Improving every time. The first time was just to get an idea of what was going on, and highlighted the apparent Facts and the Issues in the Case. Second time was to Understand the Figures, and improve further on the facts.

Third time was to figure out, which Strategic Models i could use to Solve the case, and also to Calculate the Ratio's, from the available data.

Fourth was to track the Core Problem, and Fifth was to find a Solution.

Searched from a couple of website for Indian Economy in 1999, as i used the economic review to support my recommendations. So all in all it was good and i am happy :)

Now i Have to prepare for the Research Methodology Mid Term Exam, That i have on Saturday. So i have 4 Chapters to Go though and Have to Search and read 5 Research Papers to find my own research.

I have been wanting to research on the philosophical Subject, but that i guess won't do. So i Need to find myself a pretty lighter subject to work with. My Area of interest is Organization Development and Human Resource Development.

the Topic Which i Presented initially was, the Return On Investment on Organizational Development Practices in the Telecom Sector of Pakistan. I have to do a little bit more research on the Organization Development Functions -HUNH?

GOD knows what am i going to do with my project. I have no clue of how to go about it. I need to think more.

Mother

I miss her more than anything else in the world, i feel like crying.. and i am doing what i feel like..

Watching Grey's Anatomy along with. As Eid is coming up, i was thinking what gifts should i give to the family?

There is a long list of the family members, my family, extended family, my sister, her adorable kids.

Besides everything i need to get a compact face powder for myself. And i need to give my clothes to my tailor for stitching before its eid, or i will have to buy a ready made dress.

Haan !

Today it was a celebration going on in their house, the ceremony is called "Haan" - means accepting .. and it was accepted, she is very happy, she will soon be getting married to a very nice guy, well educated, whom she has met once... criteria of Haan was to see his family, that he is well settled in London, holds a degree from London in computer sciences, he is her brother in law's friend.. small family, only son with 2 sisters, one is already married and settled in Amreca land.

I have not really met, but he seems like a nice guy from what i have heard about him. He will be coming to pak in a few weeks, and then there will be celebrations.

So this is about Family Traditions and the culture, how two people meet for once and then they decide that they are ready to take a chance. Inside their hearts they know, its a gamble, you never know, what you may encounter. But they are willing to give it a shot. It was very quick today, how things fell into place, and everyone was happy. Like they had it all figured out, but at the same moment, they didn't know what is going to happen, all they seek is future happiness which the families are going to get when the two people unite.

The rational decision process, is actually so irrational. Indicators to predict the future behavior are so miscalculated. In fact there are no indicators which are considered which can indicate how the individual is going to be in future, but then what is rationality here? It is after all a gamble.. 

I am not against or in favor of it, because i have myself done something like this. But i find it strange, but may be that is the way it is supposed to be. Life's one big decision, but this is how your life is, unpredictable ..

Peace

In order to accept who you are, you need to make peace with good and the evil living inside you. The early you do it, better it is. You can't try to sugar coat the feelings all the time. Sooner or later you will have to confront them, once you confront them, what ever the outcome is embrace it, and then be at peace.

Lessons in Life

There are some times in your life when you realize how stupid you were, what a stupid thing you said, what a stupid move you made, and what a stupid day or a stupid week or perhaps years you have lived. I am so glad today that i am left to realize that i was stupid, only if i had been more wiser i would not be experiencing this Today - the day that i am alive. There are so many great moments in my life which i have missed, which i still miss, that i should have done things, or i should not have done things, so i would have enjoyed those moments more. But i had no idea, that there is something called enjoyment, I was totally unaware of the concept. Now i know, Now i can have fun, and now i know how to live the moment.

Well today all what matters is what i have learnt from being stupid. Many of us think that i should not have done this, or should not have said that, I think all of us should learn. As it is said by the wise men that you need to learn from your Past. I could never figure that out, until now. The best way to learn is and to compare how well are you doing after being stupid is to put all your experiences in positive statements.

For Example, Instead of saying I should not have done that, i should say, i should have been more assertive, Or i should have given it a thought. I should have said No. I should have Helped her, I should have talked to her. I should have put my foot down for the right cause.

So once i put everything in positive i can compare it with my Today. Am i assertive enough? do i think before doing it now? Do i help people? Do i talk to people at the right time? Have i improved in decision making? Am i able to put my foot down for the right cause?

So all these questions will lead you towards the lessons in your life. Once you answer all these questions, you will know how far you have come, you will know how much have you improved, and how much have you learnt.

Its the positiveness in you, and your ability to bring in the positive every situation, that helps you learn. How need to let go of the bitterness, and see what you can learn from it. I am not saying you don't have to grief, You should, you can't let an emotion hold on for long, but you always need to believe in your self that this sad phase is going to get over one day, and you will get out yourself. Once you develop this mechanism you will be better able to focus on whats important rather than beating your self about you being stupid.

I'm thankful to this Self healing Gaia for giving me all the power to think, grief, be happy, be stupid and above all be Positive.

The Day which started in the evening

Its around 9 Pm, I slept the whole day, i think because i could not sleep last night, kept on watching Grey's Anatomy with Yasir. After Sehri, i slept. Yasir has to go to Multan, so he left at around 7, while i woke up to get my room cleaned up, and then woke up to attend a call from my mom.

its now 10:40 PM. i made tea for my self, i have read a Case on ACM corp and solve it, i only have a night to read it. Its always so difficult to start something, but i guess instead of wasting further time. I should get going.

The room feels so empty without him. I'm missing my Husband.