Alexithymia

an inability to connect feelings with words..

for better or for worse: a little bit on communicating your feelings..

awareness of emotional and verbal skills: we all need to learn this, an honest communication tha focuses on feelings rather than points fingers at other. One of the reasons this a challenge for some is that this important "Skill" was neither taught nor modeled by our parents. Parents practice more often the "critical parenting skills" rather than "emotionally intimate parenting". Critical parenting sounds like " Oh boy! look at this messy room, why do i always have to clean it up for you? This is disgusting, no TV for you tonight, Bad Boy!!"

Emotionally Intimate parenting sounds like " Jhonny i feel angry when i have to clean up your room, and i want you to feel proud of your room, so i'm going to help you become neater by saying a clean room means a reward of TV"

Notice the focus on feelings ..

so if you were parented in the most common way, there is still time you learn and fix things.

First of all, in every communication, try to identify your own feelings and express them as a reaction to someone's behaviour rather than an assult on their behaviour. People get less defensive when they hear the word "i feel" than when they hear "You are"

At times we have trouble labeling that uneasy feeling in the stomach. Here's a quick list of most common feelings people express. These are the 20 power words of emotional intimacy. Next time you tell a story to someone, add your emotional experiances by saying "i feel" followed by one of these words: Nervous, Happy, sad, angry, disappointed, hopeful, ignored, embarrassed, Envious, Jealous, Lonely, Excited, surprised, Proud, Scared, quilty, Aroused, Uncomfortable, rejected, loved.

This kind of language, will open the doors for the tender parts of your psyche and conversation and helps you become more accessible and ultimately more loveable. It will also model kills for others. This emotionful talk at first can be scary at first but it can enrich all your relationships. I feel confident about it :)

(courtesy Dr. Wendy Walsh)