Mother

I miss her more than anything else in the world, i feel like crying.. and i am doing what i feel like..

Watching Grey's Anatomy along with. As Eid is coming up, i was thinking what gifts should i give to the family?

There is a long list of the family members, my family, extended family, my sister, her adorable kids.

Besides everything i need to get a compact face powder for myself. And i need to give my clothes to my tailor for stitching before its eid, or i will have to buy a ready made dress.

Haan !

Today it was a celebration going on in their house, the ceremony is called "Haan" - means accepting .. and it was accepted, she is very happy, she will soon be getting married to a very nice guy, well educated, whom she has met once... criteria of Haan was to see his family, that he is well settled in London, holds a degree from London in computer sciences, he is her brother in law's friend.. small family, only son with 2 sisters, one is already married and settled in Amreca land.

I have not really met, but he seems like a nice guy from what i have heard about him. He will be coming to pak in a few weeks, and then there will be celebrations.

So this is about Family Traditions and the culture, how two people meet for once and then they decide that they are ready to take a chance. Inside their hearts they know, its a gamble, you never know, what you may encounter. But they are willing to give it a shot. It was very quick today, how things fell into place, and everyone was happy. Like they had it all figured out, but at the same moment, they didn't know what is going to happen, all they seek is future happiness which the families are going to get when the two people unite.

The rational decision process, is actually so irrational. Indicators to predict the future behavior are so miscalculated. In fact there are no indicators which are considered which can indicate how the individual is going to be in future, but then what is rationality here? It is after all a gamble.. 

I am not against or in favor of it, because i have myself done something like this. But i find it strange, but may be that is the way it is supposed to be. Life's one big decision, but this is how your life is, unpredictable ..

Peace

In order to accept who you are, you need to make peace with good and the evil living inside you. The early you do it, better it is. You can't try to sugar coat the feelings all the time. Sooner or later you will have to confront them, once you confront them, what ever the outcome is embrace it, and then be at peace.

Lessons in Life

There are some times in your life when you realize how stupid you were, what a stupid thing you said, what a stupid move you made, and what a stupid day or a stupid week or perhaps years you have lived. I am so glad today that i am left to realize that i was stupid, only if i had been more wiser i would not be experiencing this Today - the day that i am alive. There are so many great moments in my life which i have missed, which i still miss, that i should have done things, or i should not have done things, so i would have enjoyed those moments more. But i had no idea, that there is something called enjoyment, I was totally unaware of the concept. Now i know, Now i can have fun, and now i know how to live the moment.

Well today all what matters is what i have learnt from being stupid. Many of us think that i should not have done this, or should not have said that, I think all of us should learn. As it is said by the wise men that you need to learn from your Past. I could never figure that out, until now. The best way to learn is and to compare how well are you doing after being stupid is to put all your experiences in positive statements.

For Example, Instead of saying I should not have done that, i should say, i should have been more assertive, Or i should have given it a thought. I should have said No. I should have Helped her, I should have talked to her. I should have put my foot down for the right cause.

So once i put everything in positive i can compare it with my Today. Am i assertive enough? do i think before doing it now? Do i help people? Do i talk to people at the right time? Have i improved in decision making? Am i able to put my foot down for the right cause?

So all these questions will lead you towards the lessons in your life. Once you answer all these questions, you will know how far you have come, you will know how much have you improved, and how much have you learnt.

Its the positiveness in you, and your ability to bring in the positive every situation, that helps you learn. How need to let go of the bitterness, and see what you can learn from it. I am not saying you don't have to grief, You should, you can't let an emotion hold on for long, but you always need to believe in your self that this sad phase is going to get over one day, and you will get out yourself. Once you develop this mechanism you will be better able to focus on whats important rather than beating your self about you being stupid.

I'm thankful to this Self healing Gaia for giving me all the power to think, grief, be happy, be stupid and above all be Positive.

The Day which started in the evening

Its around 9 Pm, I slept the whole day, i think because i could not sleep last night, kept on watching Grey's Anatomy with Yasir. After Sehri, i slept. Yasir has to go to Multan, so he left at around 7, while i woke up to get my room cleaned up, and then woke up to attend a call from my mom.

its now 10:40 PM. i made tea for my self, i have read a Case on ACM corp and solve it, i only have a night to read it. Its always so difficult to start something, but i guess instead of wasting further time. I should get going.

The room feels so empty without him. I'm missing my Husband.

Angry

Right now i am in the office, just reached here after much trouble and guess what, i received a call from the concerned person that, the Shoot is cancelled, and i will have to excuse the team for the inconvenience. WTH. I started working on this module, which has been pending for such a long time, i opened it, and figured out, that it is also completed, and done by a team member already. DUH! What a day..

So now i am thinking of what to do next, and which course to design for the Training Stream so that, i can complete my work.

I think i should go with a recap of the last 2 modules, and work my way with the existing material that i have.

Communication is the key, and i am hating it, and i don't feel like doing it at all, and i don't feel like communicating with anyone at the moment, except for communicating with myself.

Leadership

Tomorrow i am going to office after, about 3 weeks, i am feeling weird i am still on sick leaves, but now i can walk, i am going there for a Telenor Brand Film shoot, I was nominated by Organization Development Team, its going to be a 5 - 10 mins interview with a Corporate Communication Executive. they have sent us a few questions, to answer about Leadership.

The Questions are:

1. What is a good leader to you?

- A Good leader for me is someone who i can look up to, who will put efforts in making a team, who is available when i look back, who can improve me and my work, and the one who lets me do my job. I have been lucky to have such leaders in my work experience.

2. Which Leadership Qualities do you appreciate?

- Honesty, Ability to Trust the team, No Compromise on work

3. What does it take from a leader/ manager to engage you?

- Only a 5 Minute small Discussion about, My Goals, How to get there, my improvement areas, and how i can make my work better.

4. What should a leader do to motivate you to perform at your best?

- Just talk to me about my work, my performance, My Goals.

5. Why is it important that leaders have high integrity?

- If they don't have it, who is going to believe in them?

6. In general, which leadership behaviors are not suitable in order for you to perform?

- Bringing personal Biases to work, not having the integrity.

I started off this blog last night, now its the next morning, I am not in a very good mood, because i had to go to office with my husband, and he left me, assuming that i would go on the company car, while i specifically mentioned that i wanted to go with him.. DUH!!